Childhood Fail Thread

[pureaudio]

Bolted shoes to skateboard deck + trampoline (also badass, except for the bolts protruding into the shoe)

Haha, same here except my bolts protruded out the bottom of the skateboard. Hurray for hundreds of holes all over the trampoline, kept my mouth shut on that one til I went for another session a few days later and got caught.

[Danny]

I lost my virginity in a shed.

[Mtriple]

-My first check up at the doctor when I was an infant resulted in me urinating in Dr. Bigley's face. FHL.

-3yo playing "fireman" in the backyard with the garden hose, managed to soak the entire kitchen through the screen door while "putting the fire out". Prophetic.

-4yo riding shotgun on the way to the grocery store with my mom and fell out the passenger side door while going around a corner in the neighborhood. Mom remembers hearing one "thump" as she ran over my leg. FML.

-4yo told my sister that I ate some rocks out of the yard. She told parents and they didnt believe that I hadnt. Stomach pumped FML.

-11yo crashed my brothers brand new/2 hour old/just brought it home from the Honda dealership Honda 70 while jumping the driveway into the front yard during a rainstorm and crashed into some pine trees doing about 40mph. Cracked helmet and knocked me out of my sneakers FML.

-14yo lobbing snowballs at cars blindly from a ditch and managed to hit a marked squad car. Broke my ankle on some ice trying to get away. FML.

-15yo peeping in some college girls window down the street with my brother and a couple of his buddies. Little did we know that a neighbor saw us and the po-po was there to meet us when we got off the school bus the next day. FML.

-18yo skipped so much school my senior year that I wasnt allowed to participate in class party on senior skip day. FML.

[AndrewBird]

I stuck a leather punch up my nose and punched a 1/4" diameter hole almost all the way through my nostril. I think I was like 3 or 4 maybe?

[leland21]

took a dump in Kmart shopping basket, dad left it and continued shopping

took apart shed to make own shed and work on go-kart

knocked out sisters teeth on backswing with driver

broke front window in house when I got locked out

Said "hey mom lets drive through that mud puddle!!" turned out to be 4 feet deep and completely destroyed her ~8 month old Camaro. Lady called the cops and said a woman and child drove their car into the water when we were in the parking lot at a riverside park. Needless to say about ten cop cars and two fire trucks showed up to find us in a puddle. Never actually got in trouble for that one, I think she felt dumb for listening to me....

[ACMF74]

I crawled through a garage window head first and the window came down behind my knees. I was stuck hanging upside down for about 20 min before my mom heard me screaming for help.

[stegosaurus]

-4yo riding shotgun on the way to the grocery store with my mom and fell out the passenger side door while going around a corner in the neighborhood. Mom remembers hearing one "thump" as she ran over my leg. FML.

Laughed out loud to this, but the kind where you hold it in first looking like you're shitting yourself and spit all over the place when you finally laugh.

Friend and I almost drowned in a pool of jello.

I had the brilliant idea of turning my grandparent's pool into a big bowl of jello, so from october to january (over 1 year) we collected industrial grade jello with whatever we got from our allowances, Christmas, bdays etc... I think it ended up being close to $800 or something.

We finally set the plan into action when my grandparents went on vacation to Scotland during the winter. We spent an entire day mixing the packets in the pool with two hoses. This stuff solidifies with tap water, versus conventional jello that needs to be boiled first. By the time night came around we had the pool basically filled and we left it overnight to gelatinize.

The next afternoon we went back, it was everything we could have imagined. We jumped into the deep end (10' tall) and since we were about 4'-5' tall, naturally, we were submerged in jello. This was problematic, because it's not something we could swim in. It was really hard to move through it, and it was everywhere. I cupped my hands around my face to try and breathe as much as I could. We made it to where we could grab the edge of the pool and pull ourselves out. I proceeded to piss all over myself once we made it out, I don't think I even cared.

We never through so far as how to get the jello out of the pool. It sat there and got pretty disgusting by the time my grandparents came back. Had to call a water/sewage company to suck it all out.

If you make a jello pool, don't fill the pool.

[scabzzzz]

One time I burned my Gameboy in a fire I made in the woods (do you see where this is going?)

Luckily it was put out in time.
During 4th grade summer, my new teacher came to introduce herself to my family. I was out in the yard playing (parents werent home). My new teacher introduced herself to me as my friends and me were beating holes into the yard with my dads sledgehammers and hammers. I was covered in some sort of oil too we found. My best friend was older than me and I never say no to anything :D

[Trucidatio]

from a few of the memorable times that my brother and I would fight.

I got pushed through two panes of plate glass backwards.(ended up with no cuts somehow)

My brother Spike DDT'd me(we used to into WWF) black out and went into convulsions for 5 minutes, i guess.

Slammed my brothers head into a marble counter top.

And my my brother shot me with a C02 powered pellet gun. The pellet bounced off the ground through shag carpet, under a glass table, up into my leg. Where it still is to this day. My friend keeps offering to cut it out since it has gradually move towards the surface.

[SamE30e]

-When I was 4 I had chicken pox realllllly bad, even on my johnson. My mom and I were in the grocery store, I was standing in the cart in the check out line. I said to a woman ahead, "My Mommy rubbed Calamine lotion all over my wee wee and it felt sooooo good."

-My aunt left her van running in the driveway, apparently it had a broken gear lockout and I put it in reverse and it went into the neighbours car on the street pretty quickly.

-Got into the liquor cabnet when I was like 7.

-Was playing around in the rafters of the garage, something fell and smashed the windsheild on my Dads 2 week old car.

-Knocked all my bottom front teeth out on some dirt jumps when I was like 11.

-Kicked a girl at school in the vag in grade 2 and got suspended.

-Snot rocketed my teacher in grade 5.

That's all I got for now.

[StereoInstaller1]

Damn.

I was a great kid, my parents got nothing to bitch about.

YOU guys though...if you would have been MY kid you would have been dead.

I am talking burlap bag, deep river, a big rock and duct tape kind of dead.

Go hug your parents!

Luke

[Turf1600]

This thread was made for me.

1. Shot a kid in the eye with a wasp. He had to get glasses
2. Shot my skateboard through a sliding glass window. Briefly ran away because I knew my parents would be pissed. (I was like 9)
3. Ate shit jumping my PK ripper over burning tires. Fell into poison ivy.
4. Went to an alternative school in 6th grade for getting written up over 40 times
5. Broke my arm playing hide and seek. I hid under a mattress - which someone jumped on.
6. Threw a plate of food into a kids face in middle school.
7. Blew up a can of spray paint on the side of my house. Grass didn't grow there for like 2 years.
8. Turned my parents coffee table into a fun box (skateboarding equiptment)
9. Punched a girl in the eye at the local pool. Got nicknamed Rocky.
10. Lit my parents computer on fire.
11. Sealed a kid into a trashcan in gymclass. He was there for like 4 periods.
12. I wasn't a kid but this is a favorite. I got locked in someones trunk with their grocery supplies for a party. While I was in there I hid about 60 uncooked hot dogs inside of his body panels/tail lights, ect. He didn't find out for weeks.
13. Jumped out of a moving car at age 5.
14. Almost drowned in a wave pool.

I was a complete terror from 4th grade to 6th grade. I don't know what my deal was.

[andyman2487]

My childhood was full of fail. Some notable occurrences:

-Drank a cup of peroxide while mistaking it for water @ age 4. Puked it up all over an EMT in the ambulance.
-Rode a big wheel down our 100+ yard downward-sloping driveway and had to emergency stop by putting my feet down to avoid hitting the garage...in bare feet. I had to wear slippers for weeks from all the blisters on the bottom of my feet.
-Ran over 8 of my fingertips while pushing myself along sitting on a skateboard luge style. All the fingernails came off. Worst pain I've ever experienced.
-Nailed myself in the index finger with a rock while crushing matchbox cars. Lost that nail as well.
-Stole every metal valve stem cap off the cars parked in a local business park over the course of a few years. Some guy caught on and chased me down the street in his LS1 firebird.
-Caught a trout and was holding it too tight when taking the treble hook out, so it slipped out of my hand and the hook went really deep into my index finger. On a boat. In the middle of fucking nowhere. With only a shitty ass Leatherman that couldn't cut the wire hook. I ended up just breaking the hook off at the lure and fishing for another 4 hours until we got back to the cabin. Had to push the point of the hook through my skin, cut the barb and pull it out again. It must suck to be a fish.
-Drove my E30 without the cooling cap, and cracked the head. Driving home in the red zone was the most god awful engine noise I've ever heard.

[hank_bukowski]

pregnant

[Matt-B]

Ripped my bottom lip of (3)

Stuck finger in beater bar of vacumm (4)

Fell out of a tree when I was 6, it was about 13feet

Threw a spoon at sister while eating ( 8 )

Broken wrist (8 and 17)

shoved a metal fork through kids arm and nailed him to table cause he was stealing my food at school...

shoplifting at 15yo (deck of pllaying cards fail)

shutting moms hand in door (11 or 12 i think)

seperating my left thumb and pointer finger from rest of hand and them laying limp (12 truck door)



more to come Im sure