how to make stuff in jail:
hooch.....
save up your sugar packs and your fruit salad cups the amount will depend on the size of the plastic bag you can get your hands on. dump the fruit salad in a bag along with 2x the same of sugar packets and 1/2 the amount of water. make the bag air tight (very important) and store it in your toilet for around a month. once the bag is bloated cut it open and drink. it will taste and smell like shit. don't get caught with it, it will get you points which will lead to more time at some point.
tamales..........
get several packs of freetos corn chips, packets of taco sauce, a can of chili and a trash bag. smash up the corn chips into a powder then mix with water to a paste. roll them into a snake and add chili and taco sauce. take a trash bag and cut it to size and roll up your corn snake in the bag and leave it in the sun all day while you are in the yard. take inside and eat.
tattoo ink........
steal mop rags ( about 12 or so) get some paper and make a cone light the mop rags on fire and use the cone to catch the soot from the mop strings, set a side. get hair grease from the comacery and shampoo. mix with equal parts of hair grease and shampoo with the soot. now you have tattoo ink.
-
keep your fucking mouth shut. your going to be in there with people that you look at wrong and they whoop your ass to "prove something". you shouldnt get raped, i didnt, and if bubba ever even tryed that shit with me, i would die fighting, or i would kill that sonofabitch and shove his own dick down his fucking throat.
just keep to yourself, and dont start shit. fights in jail are regular entertainment for cops, and they only stop it if need be. its easy to see how to act after a few days. just listen to all the above advise and you should be fine.Leave a comment:
-
did out run a state trooper in an E28 on the turnpike at 2:00am, speeds up to 160MPH. Will never do that again!Leave a comment:
-
don't be a hero
don't start shit
don't share your lunch
dont get caught up with the fuckers in there who have less going than you, it always gets worse.
if you have a friend in there already, click up with them if you can.
when you get in the cell, ask your flatmate if you're fuckin or fighting. lets hope he says fighting, or neither.
enjoy the shitty food, nude dudes, and your skill level playing speed (card game) might increase exponentially. heheh.
have fun, and next time turn left instead of right..... lol. seriously though, just grind through it, you're prolly looking at 90 days, and you prolly will get in a fight. its jail, not prison, so you're gonna deal with more wannabe thugs/dumbasses than actual hardcore fucks in prison.
have fun, and keep your butthole tightLeave a comment:
-
-
-
Yea but only jail. Never prison. Miss a court date for driving with an expired license, so I was picked up in a small town because the officer said I left a gas station too quickly. Whatever the fuck that means. Couple hours later and 30 bucks, I got to go home. Only reason it was a couple hours was because the bail cleared left at 11 pm and didnt come back in till 2 am.Leave a comment:
-
-
if you lived here you'd be fine but if you live in LA I'd be worried it's not prison right? Just like 90 days and a fat fine probably. People don't get raped in jail, they get raped in prison!Leave a comment:
-
So you went on and ran away, crashed, arrested.
You are probably going to get an unfair trial that's going to be in the papers. There will be some protests from the general public and some mild riots. It's not going to change the fact that you will get jailed...
You will probably get a cell with an over-religious latino guy who will advise you to stay out of trouble. You - being a rebel - won't listen and will get in trouble with at least two gangs and of course the warden (old guy with white mustache and frowned face).
After getting some injuries (both physical and mental) you will agree with the warden you will do something for the common good of the jail community and PR. On this occasion you will accidentally meet wardens pretty daughter.
You discover your well hidden talent - singing. Soon you find some geeky friends who share your passion and you form a chorus. everybody will be laughing at you and your crew (calling you sissies and fags etc.) in the beginning, but as your initiative gets more and more popular even some gangs' members join the chorus.
Meanwhile you get pretty strongly involved in a relationship with warden's daughter. You start sending yourselves secret love letters, and the feeling grows in both of you.
Finally big day has come - prior to being released, a show has been scheduled, where you and your chorus will be the main stars. Same day warden finds out about your feelings toward his daughter. He's not happy about this, and forbids you two to meet ever again. Girl being furious joins your chorus to show her daddy where she feels right (of course she can sing - what? didn't you know?).
And the show starts. Warden is all frowned about the chorus's performance but seeing how you to go into a double-singing something passionate and full of love (let's say "Just the two of us") his heart is starting to melt...
And then freedom comes. You are released from jail and you go home with your new girlfriend. Unfortunately during the first night you spend together, you discover the prison life has left you scarred and sex brings painful memories...
But your sweetheart sees more qualities in you and tells you not to worry and that you will work this out together.
The end.
There.Leave a comment:
Leave a comment: