^ how is that even possibru?
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Your worst deuce experience? NWS?
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Holy shit this thread is cracking me up!
On a side note: I had a pretty bad shit experience today due to all the liquor consumed yesterday at the Coldplay concert. I must say, liquor shits are not at all concealable. I seriously thought everything was gonna go smooth, though I felt the bubbles in my stomach, until I let one rip so freakishly loud hoping none of my coworkers would hear it, with doo doo coming out simultaneously. I felt that it was just impossible to shit quietly today, since every push was accompanied by a loud outburst of machine gun farts and liquid dingleberries. Liquor really fucks with my stomach.
FREE BITCOINS!! http://qoinpro.com/71690d1639966bfbf223bf16538cec21
Originally posted by scabzzzzI stand up, pull my dick out, and asked my gf to give me some noggin... Well, she starts laughing at me and I freaked out and ran off and locked myself in a bedroom.
2002 325i - DD
2005 Suzuki SV650 - Toy
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This thread is so funny. MY throat hurts from laughing so much. I had a similar experience after having a hernia and appendicitis surgery. Both were done at the same time, and after the surgery, I felt like my bottom half was falling off any time i tried to move. I was about 5 days before I felt the need, but when I did, I was on the toilet for 2 hours. Going poo after having surgery or taking any kind of medical drugs sucks. And i can relate to the blood.
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I'll roll with this.
My worst: So there I am, first snow of the season at the local car was with a bunch of buddies, washing my car with everyone standing outside, when the taco bell turtle head starts rearing its head. Think to myself, "Well shit, I have all this time on the meter still....."
So I stand leaning against the wall, covered in insects and spiders from it being freaking las vegas and them seeking warm refuge in the middle of a dark town. Crossing my legs trying to push it back in, grunting like a caveman asking for the meaning of the universe.
I finish rinsing my car walking around still grunting and cross legged and by this time it's too late. I yell at everyone not to come into the wash because I NEED to take a shit, which isn't unusual for them. I always had to shit when there's no bathroom available. So, with everybody laughing, I grab a mountain dew 12 pack box out of the garbage bin, yank the rest of the top off, and proceed to drop the huge deuce inside of it.
Lands inside of it perfectly, and because I had change I was able to buy some of the blue paper towels right on the spot to wipe.
But I'll throw this into the mix. It was also my best poop ever.
Why? By taking that box, and putting the leviathan mound of shit on top of the intake manifold of my buddies winter beater. a 93 grand am with the 3100 that he bought for a hundred bucks. That perfect flat table top to just drop it on.
He sold the car 2 days later. To this day he bitches about it whenever I see him. Apparently it stank like nothing else on this planet during his 40 mile drive home.
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Want another funny one?
Sick as a dog. Hot in the apartment. Had diarrhea all day. I even told the old lady (Now ex) that I really should sleep on the toilet. But she instead dragged me to bed, where we were sleeping naked because it was hot as balls.
Middle of the night, I didn't wake up and my body decided it needed to release. Shit all over the bed, all over her, and the dog was hit like a gun point blank. It's a terrible, terrible experience chasing a mini poodle that's freaking out, running as fast as it can around the apartment dripping with your own shit.
She stayed with me for 4 years or so after that. It was that moment when she was washing the dog that I figured "Wow, she's pretty cool".
But, I wasn't embarrassed or bothered by it. I was sick as hell and warned her. So it isn't my worst.
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Originally posted by TurboJake View PostWant another funny one?
Sick as a dog. Hot in the apartment. Had diarrhea all day. I even told the old lady (Now ex) that I really should sleep on the toilet. But she instead dragged me to bed, where we were sleeping naked because it was hot as balls.
Middle of the night, I didn't wake up and my body decided it needed to release. Shit all over the bed, all over her, and the dog was hit like a gun point blank. It's a terrible, terrible experience chasing a mini poodle that's freaking out, running as fast as it can around the apartment dripping with your own shit.
She stayed with me for 4 years or so after that. It was that moment when she was washing the dog that I figured "Wow, she's pretty cool".
But, I wasn't embarrassed or bothered by it. I was sick as hell and warned her. So it isn't my worst.
FREE BITCOINS!! http://qoinpro.com/71690d1639966bfbf223bf16538cec21
Originally posted by scabzzzzI stand up, pull my dick out, and asked my gf to give me some noggin... Well, she starts laughing at me and I freaked out and ran off and locked myself in a bedroom.
2002 325i - DD
2005 Suzuki SV650 - Toy
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- Josh
1990 325is
Need a shift boot?
Looking to buy shift boot frames, PM if you have one to sell
Here's what happens when you let the internet pick your license plate
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Originally posted by cletonius View Postawesome stories.
At least nobody went to prison.
http://www.salon.com/2013/07/26/foun...movement_ever/
oooommmmggggg i can't!!!!
Lmfao
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Originally posted by Cletonius View PostAwesome stories.
At least nobody went to prison.
http://www.salon.com/2013/07/26/foun...movement_ever/
FREE BITCOINS!! http://qoinpro.com/71690d1639966bfbf223bf16538cec21
Originally posted by scabzzzzI stand up, pull my dick out, and asked my gf to give me some noggin... Well, she starts laughing at me and I freaked out and ran off and locked myself in a bedroom.
2002 325i - DD
2005 Suzuki SV650 - Toy
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