Any one here ever been to jail?

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  • BigD
    E30 Enthusiast
    • Jul 2006
    • 1085

    #76
    Dunno how it works down there (or how much of the OP story is true), but it's probably similar to Canada. I've got a few friends with sketchy pasts and they've shared their experiences with me at length, and they're worth sharing.

    Here, prisons are split up into under 2 and 2+ year terms. The best account of it I got was from a drug dealer who thankfully for him got caught with personal quantities and had to do 6 months while being a K addict.

    First off, when you're handed over to the system, you're no longer human. There's no process, you're taken as you are and shoved in a meat truck with no AC. His ride was in the middle of a summer night, 3 hours to the jail.

    When he arrived, he saw he had no sheets - no one around to do it so he slept on the floor. His friends and other people I talked to have said that within the first week or two, you're going to get attacked. It's going to be a group of guys and you're going to get your ass kicked. But no matter what, you have to go down swinging. If you do, it'll likely never happen again. If you don't, it'll likely never stop. I asked what the fuck the guards are there for, and he said if you ever go inside you'll understand. There are way too few of them and they're not going to risk getting hurt over some criminal. They wait until things sort themselves out and then move in to clean up. They're only really there to prevent you from escaping.

    He said he got lucky and no one got to him. But he also said that you quickly realize that this isn't the biggest problem. The biggest problem is having nothing to do. Every day, the same cell, same common area, one TV with a non-offensive channel on, repeat. He said you start praying for something, anything different. He also said that he can see how in the 2+ year terms, after a few years or decades of this, a dude's asshole (or his cock in yours) won't look that bad, gay or not.

    He worked in the kitchen which sucked for having to get up early but otherwise it was one of the better gigs. Instead of the same fucking meal each day, you can sorta mix it up for yourself, plus if you're into bodybuilding, you can load up on milk and shit. He also collected the empty milk cartons. For some reason their gym had no weights so they put water in the milk cartons, put them in bedsheets and used them as dumbells.

    He didn't go into too much detail of his withdrawal except to describe it as having the worst stomach ache you can imagine, except no matter what position you try lying in bed or anything, there's nothing you can do to make it stop... for weeks. You also puke up pretty much anything you eat.

    The way he described it all really bugged me. Something about the finality of it all, I guess that's what it was like to be a slave. At least he had a release date. Anyway, like Robocop said, stay out of trouble.

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    • phreshkid
      R3V Elite
      • May 2009
      • 4655

      #77
      Yeah but my sentence is two months in total and given California's overcrowded jail/prison system, I'll be out in 3-4 weeks if that. I know two guards at the jail where I'm staying and I got good with one of them. It obviously won't be a walk in the park but i don't think I'll be getting raped consecutively over my short stay there. I don't speak from experience but I know enough people who have done time to base my assumptions off what they have gone through. And I don't deal drugs. Not for many years. I'm an entrepreneur of sorts though. Let's just say I make "residual income."
      world renown Harry Potter expert
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      • fryerfighter94
        Mod Crazy
        • Jan 2010
        • 794

        #78
        Op what a fag. How the fuck are you even posting if youre in jail? I call BS on entire situation, if you know people who were there why even post a thread asking for advice also?
        Originally posted by teamdynasty43
        Aye listen here ph fucking dick cheese mother fucker ...go back to touching your self or your fucking boyfriend because you're just some dumb mother fucker that has no fucking life than other to ridicule others because you have no fuckin life and low self esteem so you try to make your self feel better so you act all big!!!! Sooooo get the fuck out of here and shut your stupid little Whore mouth the fuck up and just leave!

        Comment

        • Alkasquawlik
          R3V Elite
          • Feb 2008
          • 4557

          #79
          Originally posted by phreshkid
          I'm an entrepreneur of sorts though. Let's just say I make "residual incum."
          oooooo I see what you do now. cool.

          SC*AR

          Originally posted by JamesE30
          And with a car looking like yours I imagine the balance shall tip in the favor of insult, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw, opposite... a dwarf.

          Comment

          • Farbin Kaiber
            Lil' Puppet
            • Jul 2007
            • 29502

            #80
            ^^^ You sound like a bullshitter. I can smell a bullshitter.

            I'm an entrepreneur of sorts though. Let's just say I make "residual income."
            Did you invent the fucking ShamWow?

            Comment

            • phreshkid
              R3V Elite
              • May 2009
              • 4655

              #81
              no bullshit here folks. It's all true. I'm not in jail retard, learn to read. I said I'm going in soon for two months.
              world renown Harry Potter expert
              sigpic

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              • Farbin Kaiber
                Lil' Puppet
                • Jul 2007
                • 29502

                #82
                So, did you invent the fucking ShamWow?

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                • phreshkid
                  R3V Elite
                  • May 2009
                  • 4655

                  #83
                  No man I didn't invent the shamwow. I am not affiliated with MLM companies either. I'm just a guy who wants to get a college education.
                  world renown Harry Potter expert
                  sigpic

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                  • Farbin Kaiber
                    Lil' Puppet
                    • Jul 2007
                    • 29502

                    #84
                    So you had nothing to do with 2by2.net?

                    Comment

                    • phreshkid
                      R3V Elite
                      • May 2009
                      • 4655

                      #85
                      No but I thought you did?
                      world renown Harry Potter expert
                      sigpic

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                      • fryerfighter94
                        Mod Crazy
                        • Jan 2010
                        • 794

                        #86
                        Originally posted by teamdynasty43
                        Aye listen here ph fucking dick cheese mother fucker ...go back to touching your self or your fucking boyfriend because you're just some dumb mother fucker that has no fucking life than other to ridicule others because you have no fuckin life and low self esteem so you try to make your self feel better so you act all big!!!! Sooooo get the fuck out of here and shut your stupid little Whore mouth the fuck up and just leave!

                        Comment

                        • Farbin Kaiber
                          Lil' Puppet
                          • Jul 2007
                          • 29502

                          #87
                          Nope. Did you star in a ABC miniseries as a child actor?

                          Comment

                          • EndreM
                            E30 Addict
                            • Jul 2009
                            • 513

                            #88


                            Norwegian luxury prison. I'm going to kill someone, cause that is nicer then my apartment.

                            Today a psycotic killer escaped from a Norwegian prison. He shot a man 13 times last year, and today when going to a local grocery store with to unarmed guards he suddenly disappeared.
                            He was caught after ten hours though, and is now back in his cozy cell, not being raped or beaten up.

                            That'll teach you!

                            OP, you suck for putting others in danger. I hope somebody widens your butthole.
                            '91 E30 316i
                            '97 Rover Mini 1275

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                            • Jand3rson
                              Banned
                              • Oct 2003
                              • 37587

                              #89
                              Just in a holding cell for about 6 hours, when I was 14. Myself and 4 of my friends jumped and kicked the shit out of this skinhead-Nazi kid that called our friend Ali a "sand ******" and shoved him down the stairs at school.

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                              • thornado327i
                                E30 Addict
                                • Oct 2006
                                • 501

                                #90

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