The official "business jargon" you hate to hear thread

[rwh11385]

Classic BCG Analysis of Love:

http://www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/laughter/LoveLife.pdf

[Sailor37]

"Please advise"...

When I read that, it makes me want to stabmydickwithaneedle.jpg

this x1e6

[rwh11385]

http://www.fightthebull.com/bullfighter.asp

"Bullfighter is the epoch-defining software that works with Microsoft Word and PowerPoint to help you find and eliminate jargon in your documents."

It finds 'stakeholder' and suggests you replace it with 'vampire slayer' or 'fork'.

http://www.deloitte.com/view/en_GX/global/insights/browse-by-content-type/books/article/ec98e55cd21fb110VgnVCM100000ba42f00aRCRD.htm

Why Business People Speak Like Idiots: A Bullfighter's Guide

[matthugie]

Shit, at least you guys have business jargon. I just have fucktards whose spelling and grammar are on a 3rd grade level and only use Comic Sans in every document they create.

[Morrison]

I think that those informal fonts and poor grammer could be equally as annoying as the corpo buzz speak. Perhaps you could hold an all-hands meeting to discuss initiating a more formal communication format, standardized to Ariel. Just make sure to have a supervisor "rubber-stamp" the idea. Once that is "green lighted" I think you will be much happier.

[Mr. Burns]

Goddamit.

I just synergized all over myself.

[Dozyproductions]

Classic BCG Analysis of Love:
http://www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/...r/LoveLife.pdf

thanks for sharing. Not only was it hilarious but I had some of the weirdest dreams about it!

[Joe G]

my most hated by far: "it is what it is"

To me thats someone accepting a failure, short coming, not aspiring to do better, and just being a passive bitch.

[browntown]

^^ I agree. I've heard that one while being laid off twice. It is a bullshit filler saying for people that can not articulate a real reason.

[Q5Quint]

Classic BCG Analysis of Love:
http://www.seth-smith.org.uk/images/...r/LoveLife.pdf

I had many lolz on this one... will forward to ex girlfriends hot roomate.

Why Business People Speak Like Idiots: A Bullfighter's Guide

This looks really interesting. I have been stuck in meeting hell for 4 years and feel like nothing gets done except excellent wordsmithing around a more common term called 'bullshit'.

[markseven]

Some of the phrases listed are a concise and clear, however they are (over)used because of their clearness and conciseness (??!!??).

I will add:

Branding
Mission Critical
Value Add
Compelling

[BobombETA]

"at this juncture"
"gearing up for month end"
"conference call clarifying the area of question as duly noted among us"
"during a limited scope review"

These were all from the same email.

FML.


Translation:
"Currently"
"I'm busy"
"Let's talk about it"
"I sort of read it"

[Mr. Burns]

"at this juncture"
"gearing up for month end"
"conference call clarifying the area of question as duly noted among us"
"during a limited scope review"

These were all from the same email.

FML.


Translation:
"Currently"
"I'm busy"
"Let's talk about it"
"I sort of read it"

Lol damn. Was I not cc'd?

[Mr. Burns]

I just best practiced all over the tps reports.

[alexw]

my most hated by far: "it is what it is"

I agree! I've had several arguments over this.

I hate when you're in a meeting and someone has to "piggyback" on something just said... It's even better when someone piggybacks on a piggyback...