The official "business jargon" you hate to hear thread

[xphiledan]

lol @ "lets take this offline"
"flip me that email"
"the file needs scrubbing"
"this is a rush request"
those stupid emails w the little flame icon

[lambo]

My chem class is doing beta testing with this online textbook thing and they had us do a survey in which one of the questions asked us to pick our favorite name for the book from a list they had compiled. These are some of the options...

- OWLBook
- OWL Fusion
- OWL Synergy
- OWL Integrated

I chose OWLBook because the other ones sounded like some crazy Russian bird fusion shit.

[TOAST]

THANKS as a closing salutation

which is a typo for

FUCKING DO IT

[Morrison]

I'm sure they understand you've got a lot "on your plate" already. They just wan't to make sure you "get your ducks in a row".

[Dermeister3]

Agreed with the hate on "shoot me an email/text/call." My friend who has a new fancy office job says that all the time to me, his friends, and women he meets. It makes him sound like a big tool when he says it to females. They rarely "shoot" anything his way.

[Thizzelle]

Lean Manufacturing lols
RFA - Request for Appropriations
CR - Cost Reductions

[Q5Quint]

Guys,

Before we hop on the critical path bandwagon here we need to identify the stakeholders.

[z31maniac]

The HR people here always say, "We will reach out to you"

When did "contact" not get the point across?

[Kershaw]

apparently it didnt sound enough like, "grope you in the dark."

[Pac1373]

lol, so many good ones. I got hired with a no BS company in 2009 and the first thing I was told is my corporate "buzzwords" wouldn't fly here.

cut to first meeting and the company "Culture" was "driven" by phrases like "Building alignment" and constructing "Safe environments" for each of our "Team-mates" I honestly dont even think they picked up on the irony.
since then, on every single managers forecast call I have been on, I have heard AT LEAST 12 of the lines ITT, often more.

no shit. this is the best thread this week at least!

[Stanley Rockafella]

The HR people here always say, "We will reach out to you"

When did "contact" not get the point across?

HR is all about the "human interaction" aspect of communication...making it more human and more accomodating to everyone

[Stanley Rockafella]

these are all reasons why I left the corporate business world. it just got far too much bs and ass-kissing to the same bosses and managers over and over and over again. made me wanna fuckin' puke!

[HarryPotter]

Morrison is killing this thread.

[Mr. Burns]

REACH OUT AT ME BRO'!

WHAT U GOT?

REACH OUT AT ME!


oh and lets not call meetings, meetings anymore.

LET'S CALL THEM POW-WOW's.

I want to show up in full Apache Indian Headgear with whitemans blood dripping from my crossbow.

it's a POW-WOW no?

oh and drunk too.

[burkey001]

I think this thread needs a mission statement.

This thread needs to deliver upon several key outcomes to ensuring continued lolz by all stakeholders:
- Thread needs to explore new paradigms with regards to innovative initiatives to produce lolz;
- The depth and breadth of the lolz circulated need to be articulated in such a way that we are all on the same page;
- Thread doesn't need to boil the ocean to explore all possible lolz, just to focus on key tactical lolz that deliver against out business outcomes and strategic alignment vis a vis our verticals; and
- The thread should maximise our upsell such that when others speak of future lolz our brand and key values are kept front of mind.



The reason for posting this is I need all the stakeholders who read this thread to be on message when talking to investors.

We all need to live our business values and hence derive customer relevance by being front of mind.

Any questions? We can take it to a sidebar or take it offline.

Thanks, (a.k.a. "Well I've wiped my hands of this email, thanks for picking up this pile!")

Burkey