Project Meat-flange - an Australian story that doesn't involve Nicole Fucking Kidman

[e30guydownunder]

im hoping nice and toasty with a slight odour of drop bear piss

[Iain]

Good day to you, followers of the zesty lemon sorbet that is Project Meat Flange.

The latest update is that Pork Hunt Motorsport has hit the point of no return - that waffleswaffleswaffleswafflesing speed dust has fucked my shit up royally and the E30 is now so cool on the internet that it has been playa-h8’n on Ashton Kutcher’s Twitter and cyber finger-banging his dog on its Facebook account. Take that, you pork-snorting, cock-polishing, punk-ass, shit-licking fuckwit.

But seriously, the little Delphin Slutburger is coming apart and the registration has been cashed in. The engine, box and diff are just about ready to come out, and following that I'll be removing the interior to rip the entire wiring loom out and start carving it up to suit the new engine and get rid of a lot of the wiring I no longer need (for air con, etc). This will take a fair whack of time 'cause I'm moving all the fuses and relays to go behind the passenger seat to free up engine bay space and make it all neater.

I will have the battery in the boot and I’m going to mount the ECU in the glove box as I don’t own any gloves and have no intention of storing gloves, hand guns or any midgets in this car’s glovebox, unlike my last car. The glovebox shall be renamed “Copernicus Highwater III” – all hail!

I've gotten in on that CF door skin group buy, too. I'll be getting a set of "street" fronts and cutting up my stock door cards to fit the top pad to the CF goodness. While that might be a shame for some, these are just ordinary grey cards that I give no fark for. I'm going to do them black before I fit them, though, possibly with Alcantara for a fuh raze feel.

The engine is still a point of consternation. While I’d almost settled on a supercharged Toyota 1UZ-FE I have discovered it is going to be just as difficult to get that registered as it would to get an LSx-powered E30 registered. Superb. Great. Grand. Dandy.

I would question the aptitude of our state government, but I know they’re all mouth-breathing retards who prefer to spend their time sucking cash out of our pockets and circle-jerking onto each others’ faces in their caucus room rather than putting decent legislation in place. The Paralympics is full of people who are less retarded than these queef-sniffing waffleswaffleswaffleswaffless.

Some other factors pointing me towards the Chev motor have been A) I can run it on the OEM computer as it is read-writeable, B) that makes it way easier to get road-legal in NSW, C) it isn’t as fat between the rocker covers as a quad-cam V8 is, making it easier to fit, D) I have an E36 325i crossmember custom built to suit an LS1 (in an E36) in my garage, E) I want this kind of exhaust note http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSc6-...eature=related F) it makes a lot more power and therefore does better skids (:D <-- happy skid face!)

Happy, happy!


Happy, happy!


Happy, happy!


KILL THE MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER!


Sorry, what?

I have a crossmember & g'box mount made from a jig from these mounts. Dunno how close they'll go to fitting an LSx and T56 in an E30 compared to E36, but we'll see. I can always hit myself repeatedly in the groin with a wombat if they don't fit. Q - if you play cricket with a cricket bat and baseball with a baseball bat, what do you play with a wombat? A - You play wom with a wombat. Boom-tish, thanks I'm here all week, try the veal - it's delish.






I have been thinking about other stuff of late, as well. I mean apart from how much I’d like some moisten strumpet dressed as a librarian to repeatedly slam her gaping anus on my cock while singing Queen’s song Bicycle Races. “I want to ride my bi-cy-cle *ungh* I want to ride *ungh*” oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.

Erm, right, sorry. Back to BMWs…

I'm going to have to do some pretty hardcore rear-end bracing on Project Meat Flange, as mine will get beaten like a red-headed step-child and I don’t want the rear-end tearing itself out of the floor with V8 torque. An extra mount for the diff is a must-do, naturally, as are some camber corrector tabs like what Ireland Engineering sell.

It would have been nice – like a warm, wet wristy from a penguin – to have rocked a roll cage in the car that tied the suspension mounting points together and made everything stiff as Massive Lee after seeing a Republican-oriented thread in OT. Unfortunately, in New South Wales it is illegal to have a roll cage in a street car that is welded in, or have any roll cage in any part of the vehicle where passengers sit.

This means I have to have a bolt-in half-cage in the interior (with harness bar) custom made, which will hopefully tie in with a very intricate brace in the boot (trunk). I’m thinking of getting a couple of the legs to bolt to plates on the rear firewall near the shock towers, which will have other legs and plates on the opposite side of the rear firewall.

For a rear brace I’m wanting something triangulated between the shock towers & boot/trunk floor and I’ve ignored suggestions from Ghettotuning.com to just use cardboard tubes, dildos and hopes and dreams. I’d eventually want something that bolts together like a bolt-in roll cage for the rear-end for want of a better term.

What I have in my head really hasn’t translated well in this post, unfortunately. Basically, I want to brace the rear-suspension mounting points together through the boot. I don’t know how to explain that without spending a day in MS Paint scrawling what looks like something a kid with down syndrome would finger paint with his or her own poop. I can dodge a wrench, but I can’t describe my ideas on the Internet. Maybe I should drink my own urine? Sterile and tasty!

Hey, what's this? ERIC ESTRADA IN MY THREAD!? OMG!*


Here are some out-of-date pics I took a couple of weeks ago. I’ll get some more after this weekend as I had only removed intake & exhaust manifolds, radiator, clutch fan, wiring loom, air con lines (partially), power steering pump, alternator, A/C condenser in these shots. Have gotten rid of the rest of the A/C system, cleaned all this shiz, started removing brakes, engine mounts are undone, g/box crossmember bolts loosened, exhaust removed, tailshaft undone, started removing diff (got 2 big 19mm nuts to go), removed brakes since then.

All that shiz will be up for sale, too if any Aussie E30ists are reading this and want to grab a bargain. I just want it gone so I'm not going to be asking much for any of it (incl. the 4-lug rims).

Unfortunately, that will be it until probably November as I'll be busy helping my mate Benski fix his Maseratis in the garage over the next few months, plus helping friends move into their new houses (big housing boom over here ATM), plus with the weather getting awesome, sunny and warm I’ve booked quite a bit of time in the beer garden at the local pub (Patonga Hotel, BTW, which has a beaut outlook).

I’m also trying to renovate my house on a true Pork Hunt budget, so that is raping my E30’s funding plans. I want to at least have a 5-lug rear-end in by Christmas, though I also plan on re-sheeting & re-roofing my garage, buying an air compressor and buying a welder. Shitlips Pissington, indeed!

That is enough verbal masturbation for this post, though. I know you want some chilli willy, and I deliver nothing but the finest willied chillies! I have, however, thought about branching out into also supplying purses made from the petrified vaginas of ancient albatrosses. Yay or nay?

Flics fo r33l (sorry about the huuuuuuuuuuge size)-

Trying to keep the drop bears out. Fcking drop bears.


Meat Flange pwns Ashton "I like the feeling of penis in the bottom" Kutcher


From mid-way through pulling shit out of the engine bay. Oh what a voyage of discovery it was!



*If anyone has a problem with Eric Estrada busting out some CHiPS shenanigans, they can answer to Shirty The Slightly Aggressive Bear.

[Bishop]

Jesus..... another lol-fest..... Pics aren't workin bro

[Jean]

I fucking love this thread! Full of great one liners!

"And hey, at least its not a fucking rotary - I'd sooner bore a second anus for myself using a teaspoon and my knuckles than fit a rotor."

[tg318is]

lololol excellent post sir, i commend you.

[chadthestampede]

It would have been nice – like a warm, wet wristy from a penguin – to have rocked a roll cage in the car that tied the suspension mounting points together and made everything stiff as Massive Lee after seeing a Republican-oriented thread in OT.

[accident]

holy crap updates

[StereoInstaller1]

Reading your shit makes me wonder what drugs you are on.

Whatever it is, carry on.

[CorvallisBMW]

Omg, this gets my vote for the funniest r3v post ever!

[dirtysix]

More please, Dingo.

[Miasma]

Subscribed.

[e30guydownunder]

cool picture.... me thinks its time for more verbal diarrohea

[tg318is]

cool picture.... me thinks its time for more verbal diarrohea

mmmm truth

[Iain]

‘Allo, mon cherries!

Things have been happening of late at a glacial pace on Meat Flange. I have my friend’s STi-converted 2002 Subaru Outback in the garage, getting a new 2.5L EJ257 and plenty of other little jobs (alloy control arms, roll centre adjuster kit, parallel fuel rails, catch cans, etc). It will pack some seriously zesty tang for a nice, daily driver-friendly wagon.

I have, however, gotten a bit done with the doggy piss flaps that is my E30. She’s currently sitting half-a-metre up in the air, no wheels or suspension, no brakes, no wiring at all, no drivetrain. Over the last few weeks I’ve stripped all the trim and dash out, then the wiring, HVAC box, the motor/gearbag, and now the suspension/cradles. It's now reminds me of a hot chick in a wheelchair whose wheels you've clamped (IMO if they dont roll away, it's as good as saying "yes, please stick it in my butt/vag/mouth/ear repeatedly and without care or consideration")

All the (fucking heavy) sound deadener is off the firewall and from behind the dash, and I've started cutting up my stock door cards to fit the CF panels I bought in the recent group buy on here. Theyre great quality panels and I'm very happy with them and the mounting kit - will definitely recommend them in the future!

I’ve been starting my 5-lug parts collection with the following purchases:
- New genuine E36 M3 spindles (Bimmerworld $35 jobbies)
- New Holden SS-V brake calipers (twin-piston light alu jobs)
- E36 M3 Bilstein shocks ($50 off eBay.com.au)
- Powersteer blanking plate

Unfortunately, the Ti trailing arms I have in my possession have turned out to be useless as they’re slightly twisted and therefore fatigued. I didn’t realise it until I actually got off my arse and washed them down in preparation for fitting them up and I have a sneaking suspicion it happened when the gimp wreckers pulled them off the car. I’d have a pic of them but they slight telltale folds in the metal don’t photograph too well.

I will now be returning these to the wrecking yard’s front window. On fire. Welded to what is left of the owner’s son. Goddamn wreckers, I really have a problem with those fucking monkeys. I’ve seen more good parts wrecked by brain-dead yard workers being lazy and oxy’ing off parts or using a forklift to lift a car than necessary. How would taking an extra 5mins to make sure you’re not spearing some potentially valuable part of the car with your shitbox old forklift hurt your day when you spend the rest of it sitting in your own filth picking your arse and dreaming about what is beneath under-age girls’ panties? What a pack of shit waffleswaffleswaffleswaffless. Makes me want to shit in their letterbox and then mail them a letter. Cop that, you fucking thumb-handed gimps!

I need to buy new trailing arms for the rear, plus bearings and poly bushes for them, new front hubs, new front wheel bearings, control arms, poly offset control arm bushings, Z3 or E36 steering rack and camber/toe adjusters. I’ll also be bracing them in the same guise as the M-coupe “A” brace. Once this is done, I'll fit the 15" E36 weaves I've got and she'll be rollin' dirty once again.

Shit pics below. No, you sick finger-sniffers, I don’t mean pics of shit. I’ve already had some freak emailing me about photos of naked boys riding around Sydney on the backs of unicorns. If I ever find out who Blunt Tech Industries is and why they want pics of naked young men engaging in various pornographic poses with garden vegetables, I’ll write them a very sternly worded letter! That’ll show those reprobates!

Spindles


Brake callipers use a 5x120 stud pattern. Not 100% on the centre bore size for the rotors, but that will be easy enough to overcome as I know of 3 blokes who’ve used these brakes on E36s with ease. These (light) calipers bolt straight up to E36 M3 hubs and use a 345mm disc which should mean its a nice, cheap brake upgrade that uses all ADR-approved parts (a lot of aftermarket calipers are not legal to use on-road in Australia due to not having dust boots or ADR certification). I will also be taking rubber lines off to have custom braided lines made up.






pic of stock 325 e36 rotor with 345mm holden job (not mine)




For some stupid reason, I want to build another one of these with a turbo Euro M52 w/ITBs. I think it’d be rather cool to have an LSx E30 track rat and a street-ready, fully trimmed turbo M52 daily driver.








I’ll put up better (non iPhone) photos of the E30 tomorrow or Wednesday or whenever I get out to the garage with my camera.

PS: Miasma - where the fuck did the pic go? I loved that! Drop bears FTW!

[decay]

I’ve already had some freak emailing me about photos of naked boys riding around Sydney on the backs of unicorns. If I ever find out who Blunt Tech Industries is and why they want pics of naked young men engaging in various pornographic poses with garden vegetables, I’ll write them a very sternly worded letter! That’ll show those reprobates!

goddamn you, i almost fell out of my fucking chair.