Nonsense Thread

[henryki]

PM me pics dawgy

I want to be one of the cool kids

Don't have any pictures on my phone and I won't be home till tomorrow evening, I'll PM you then :pimp:

[henryki]

So I found a sweet empty dirt lot to mess around in last night...

[15Michaeljoseph]

nice


--Mike

[Northern]

hit what seemed like a boulder coming out of work tonight. Was turning left out of work onto the main road and swerved to miss it, but managed to drive right over it with the right side of the car, felt like I drove over a curb.

New wheels seem fine still, so that's good I guess.

[phreshkid]

Sometimes, I find that using my brain can be hard.

[Luke Girard]

Sometimes, I find that using my brain can be hard.

I haven't been able to find my brain in awhile....

[E30 Wagen]

Saw the hottest milf ever today at the grocery store. She was wearing a tight pair of jeans and an expensive looking tanktop. Big boobs. Natural blonde hair. Beautiful tanned skin. She had a cute daughter, too, but she was probably only like 15. The daughter and the little brother wandered off, leaving the milf and I waiting together at the deli counter. There were a couple of other patrons waiting as well. A minute or so passed before I took a few steps closer to the counter, checking out the gluten free wraps that my brother said I should try. The milf came over and appeared to be doing the same thing. She had a huge wedding ring. I thought about asking her to recommend something. I got a sense that she knew I had noticed her, and began to think that maybe she's used to catching the eyes of young men like me. The chatter of the market surrounded us. The courteous silence surrounded us. Then my number came up. The lady behind the counter apologized for the wait. I said "It's okay, I wasn't waiting long," which was a lie. We'd all been waiting for almost five minutes. "I'll take a pound of the oven roasted turkey," I said. As a stood there, waiting for the deli lady to do her work, the milf stood there next to me, waiting her turn.

[15Michaeljoseph]

Saw the hottest milf ever today at the grocery store. She was wearing a tight pair of jeans and an expensive looking tanktop. Big boobs. Natural blonde hair. Beautiful tanned skin. She had a cute daughter, too, but she was probably only like 15. The daughter and the little brother wandered off, leaving the milf and I waiting together at the deli counter. There were a couple of other patrons waiting as well. A minute or so passed before I took a few steps closer to the counter, checking out the gluten free wraps that my brother said I should try. The milf came over and appeared to be doing the same thing. She had a huge wedding ring. I thought about asking her to recommend something. I got a sense that she knew I had noticed her, and began to think that maybe she's used to catching the eyes of young men like me. The chatter of the market surrounded us. The courteous silence surrounded us. Then my number came up. The lady behind the counter apologized for the wait. I said "It's okay, I wasn't waiting long," which was a lie. We'd all been waiting for almost five minutes. "I'll take a pound of the oven roasted turkey," I said. As a stood there, waiting for the deli lady to do her work, the milf stood there next to me, waiting her turn.

I wasn't expecting the creative ending hahaha


--Mike

[Swanny]

I didnt know that sexual tension literature was a thing

[flyboyx]

Saw the hottest milf ever today at the grocery store. She was wearing a tight pair of jeans and an expensive looking tanktop. Big boobs. Natural blonde hair. Beautiful tanned skin. She had a cute daughter, too, but she was probably only like 15. The daughter and the little brother wandered off, leaving the milf and I waiting together at the deli counter. There were a couple of other patrons waiting as well. A minute or so passed before I took a few steps closer to the counter, checking out the gluten free wraps that my brother said I should try. The milf came over and appeared to be doing the same thing. She had a huge wedding ring. I thought about asking her to recommend something. I got a sense that she knew I had noticed her, and began to think that maybe she's used to catching the eyes of young men like me. The chatter of the market surrounded us. The courteous silence surrounded us. Then my number came up. The lady behind the counter apologized for the wait. I said "It's okay, I wasn't waiting long," which was a lie. We'd all been waiting for almost five minutes. "I'll take a pound of the oven roasted turkey," I said. As a stood there, waiting for the deli lady to do her work, the milf stood there next to me, waiting her turn.

thats a well written story i guess but its pretty lame. just because she is married doesn't mean you can't screw up the balls to have a conversation with her. you had the perfect line all set up and ready to go. all you had to do was look her in the eyes, smile, and deliver it. think of it this way: she is married. you don't have to worry about getting shot down by her. just consider talking to her as sparring practice for some chick thats attainable to you. that five minutes could have passed by in 5 seconds.

[flyboyx]

Fucking Craigslist People!

I advertised our old refrigerator a couple days ago and this is the response I received from some asshole:

Subject: GE Profile Arctica Side by Side Refrigerator - $375 (Humble)

From: William Masters <eef159d5a73a33e49dd3f0cd9509069d@reply.craigslist .org>

Go ahead and deliver it to me for $200.


Me:

You act as if i know you somehow?

From: William Masters <eef159d5a73a33e49dd3f0cd9509069d@reply.craigslist .org>

Maybe you do.



My flight was late and I was sitting around at the airport waiting with nothing productive to do so I took 7 minutes out of my life and sent back this:

Me:

Dear Bill,

I must say....that is an exceptionatly kind offer. I am literally and figuratively blown away by your amazing act of generosity!

However.....I have a better idea....why don't you give me the $200.00, and I'll let you suck a gallon of sloppy, wet, explosive shit out of my hairy, crusty, slightly sweaty butthole? Upon finishing, you can suck a good bit out of my dog's ass as well.(no extra charge!) Be sure to use plenty of tongue on the foofer because he tells me he really likes it that way. Please give us a day or two advance notice so Fluffy and I can plan a night of binge drinking and stuffing ourselves full of cheap, spicy mexican food! God bless the pinto bean!

Since we are indeed such fond acquaintances, I am confident you won't take offense to any heartfelt suggestions I may have for you in the area of future douchebaggery:

The next time you attempt to coerce someone into wasting their entire day delivering some random heavy item to you for free, I suggest you try a slightly more diplomatic rather than the typical arrogant "craigslist asshole" approach.

For example, had you said: "Hey there lifelong buddy, I live with my mom and a whole bunch of cats. I have absolutely no friends because I smell bad. Can I have your refridgerator for 8 cents? Oh, and by the way, my penis so so small, there is no way I can afford to buy a pickup. Can you please deliver it for free too?"

I'm pretty sure you will garner better results. That totally would have worked on me!

That initial one liner you sent momentarily had me thinking you were some retarded 17 year old, goat raping "Bill" and not the one I have known and respected for oh so many years now(well, actually, almost an entire day at least). I sure am glad to know it really is you instead.

Good luck with your future "endeavors"!

Regards and with all due respect,
Your longtime friend

Brian

i sit waiting patiently for him to email back and invite me over for a beer or two.

[Exodus_2pt0]

^ who knows, might get a rim job out of it.

[accident]

And on the off chance she said yes, you could have been balls deep in MILF.

[E30 Wagen]

thats a well written story i guess but its pretty lame. just because she is married doesn't mean you can't screw up the balls to have a conversation with her. you had the perfect line all set up and ready to go. all you had to do was look her in the eyes, smile, and deliver it. think of it this way: she is married. you don't have to worry about getting shot down by her. just consider talking to her as sparring practice for some chick thats attainable to you. that five minutes could have passed by in 5 seconds.

I know, I regret it now.

[flyboyx]

more childish nonsense inappropriate for this thread:

this is a continuation from entry #1241


From: William Masters <eef159d5a73a33e49dd3f0cd9509069d@reply.craigslist .org>

Wow, I knew you LOOKED like a bottom-feeding Hillbilly, but didn't know you talk like one too!!! But, I guess you're probably upset because you have to BEG people to buy your trash like a low-life Junkyard Peddler. Good luck with that gutter-dwelling junk peddler!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


this shit was just waaaayy too good to pass up. of course i had a childish retort:

Dearest Billy-boob,

Checking my email this morning and seeing correspondence from you was like being a little kid running downstairs to open Christmas presents!

I am happy to know I am still your best friend since you don't have any. Does this mean you are going to invite me over later for a beer or two?

You have me wondering why if my item is "junk" and "trash" you want to buy it from me? Were you planning to use it as "yard art" next to your "classy toilet planter"?

I have to say Billyboob, you really need to work on your grammer and sentence structure. There is way too much redundancy in that tiny little quip of a reply. It is actually very disappointing. You squandered an opportunity to put some thought into it and create a literary masterpiece. Oh....wait...I almost forgot....it took you well over 24 hrs to drum up that lame repose...after thinking about it all day and staying awake pondering about it all night, this is the best you could come up with???? So sad.......so disapoint......I am beginning to think you are completely stupid as well as being a cheap ass with a micro penis. I find it difficult to be friends with dumb people. However, since we go back so far, (about 3 days now) I can make an exception for you.

The offer of sucking some shit out of my dogs ass is still on the table. Unfortunately, the price just went up to 275.00. By the way, there is also a homeless guy that lives behind Big Lots who could probably use some freshing up on that end. I will pass along to him your number and email as a favor to you. There are a few bars/nightclubs in the Montrose area where I can Sharpie your info on the walls if you wish. All of this-of course-is my attempt as your friend to help you find some other acquaintances (or butt buddies) to hang out with so you can stop being an asshole to random craigslist people.

Your dear friend,

Brian

less than an hour later:

William Masters (eef159d5a73a33e49dd3f0cd9509069d@reply.craigslist .org)

Hahaha, I love it....you're so articulate in your e-mails; it's almost like you're so desperate for money, that you're TRYING to convince me to buy it like a pathetic poor little junk-flipping Monkey. Maybe someone will feel sorry for you, and buy it from you; until then, keep BEGGING, it's what you do best. I know you'll write back, because you need the money, and you are good at begging!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My ever present bullshit retort:

Dear Billy,

Do you remember the first and only time you showed your penis to a girl? She laughed her ass off and told you how cute it was? This is how I view our friendship.

Thank you so much for the invitation to continue our dialog. Not that I care about your approval, but its good to know we are at that point in our friendship where its becomming a two way street.

I have to chuckle at how your puny little mind is unable to muster any sort of insult better than your opinion of which I am selling "junk". Come on Willy! I thought I knew you better than this! We have already established the fact you want to buy it. Your arguement is transparent and worthless. This prespice is just as clear as the light of day (or that you offered to eat out my dog's ass).

Since we are good friends, and you are too dumb to figure it out, I know you wont mind me telling you point blank: this conversation is about your personality flaws. IE: YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE! I am sorry to be so blunt, however, since we go way back I am positive you would rather hear it from me than go through the rest of your life not knowing. Think of it as a societal obligation to tell a complete stranger they are walking around in public with their fly unzipped. It is safe to say everyone in your surroundings also thinks you are a tool. They just dont know you as well as I do and are afraid to say anything in the event you might be offended.

The good news is that I am here to help you with this. For the next several weeks, you are enrolled in Brian's all inclusuve de-asshole program! Think of it like the 12 step process. In fact, why don't we call it "Doucheaholics Anonymous"!!!!!!!

So....lets get started, shall we?

The first step is to admit you have a problem. With a little reflection, I'm sure it will be really easy for you to see that yes, you really are an asshole. All you have to do is look around and you will notice that there is no one around you that truly loves you. This is indeed sad, but all hope is not lost! Once you finish the program, there will be some tight sphinctered little fat kid who will be perfect for you.

From now on, I will volunteer to be your sponsor. Whenever you feel like acting out and being a butthole to someone, all you have to do is send me an email and I will be there to talk you down from your ledge. Pretty soon we will be at the second step which is "wanting to change your life". Alas! I am getting ahead of myself! Lets just concentrate on the first step, shall we?

We are now at a point where its going to cost $375.00 to tounge out my dog. You had better get on this quickly before it becomes unaffordable! Second, what is this Freudian reference to monkeys all of the sudden? (Since you are stupid, you will want to stop right here and Google "Sigmond Freud") I heard all about your animal sex video. You really need to stop doing that sort of thing. It is illegal here in Texas.

Anyway, I look forward to your next un-educated "Rain Man" type response!

Take care buddy,

Brian

for some fucked up reason this is fun to me. i figure i will just keep sending shit his way until he either stops emailing me or i get bored.