Nonsense Thread

[2mAn]

I hope whatever happened this can be turned from a negative into a positive for you, like what Sir Reverend Biggie Smalls said.

thats my hope too. Hoping for the best

[Chilezen]

Long story short, I have been unhappy there for years. I am happy when I build the race cars, but there's a lot of other work to do, and I struggle mentally with it. I'm not trying to say "boo I don't like working unless it's what I want to do", because I do a hell of a lot that I never anticipated when I got the job. This guy hired me almost 6 years ago, and I have had to learn a lot of new things, by myself, in order to keep the business moving forward. Self-taught has its flaws; whenever more experienced people come through, I am corrected or criticized for the way I do things. Which is good and bad. Overall it created an environment in which I cannot trust myself to do anything, because it's not exactly what they (my boss or coworker) specifically want. So I am fighting myself internally to try to figure out what not to do and try to remember what they said and do it as quickly as possible and sacrifice (in my opinion) the quality that I think would be appreciated by the customer. The company kept growing because the boss was making moves to increase productivity. He bought large, technologically advanced machines to increase throughput and reduce human error.. but had me "learn it" aka figure it out. Because he bought Chinese machines. Whenever there were problems (and there were a lot) I had to talk to one guy on the other side of the planet, troubleshooting with a language barrier. My coworker could figure stuff out more easily, but he also had more experience coming from a big company with similar machines.

None of this was the creative job I started out in. I was always yelled at for being too slow. Or forgetting something. Somehow I would interpret directions differently than they were intended, but I would be ridiculed when asking for clarification.
I still had to clarify where the line was: "You asked me to do less, so is this the amount of less, or do I need to do even less?"

And again, this is a "small" shop. Boss, 1 coworker, and myself. My boss insisted on buying machines to remove the human element, instead of hiring people to do more specific jobs. I'm not going to say he is wrong in his effort to grow his business, but it was demanding in my opinion and I didn't get a pay raise in 2.5 years because my performance didn't improve. But the expectations sure grew. (Like, they got a forklift; I refused to use it because they refused to teach me, they didn't trust me. So whenever a pallet needed to be loaded/unloaded, I had to wait for/bother one of them to do a task.)

This wasn't really a long story short, but yeah, I couldn't adapt. I have been going to therapy, which has helped, but still wasn't enough to reconfigure my brain and cope with the literal trauma of our.. past interactions (getting yelled at). I swear, my coping mechanism to deflect his criticism was to just not listen to him, so whenever he was in a good mood and just giving simple directions, I still wouldn't remember because my brain just rejected it. Yes, I did write things down, that definitely helped.

The last straw for him was when he asked me to package up a large order of tubes that I has just cut in our laser machine. I had to do some organizing, but he told me to just throw them in boxes, put paper in, and tape them up good. He said don't make them fit all real nice. Well, I disobeyed him and I made them fit real nice. I lost myself in the act and told myself, there will be less boxes to package up because I have organized the parts better. It took me 2 hours to do a task that "should have taken half an hour." He's probably right. I should have done what he said.

He told me I'm done. I left in a hurry because he was so mad.

I only grabbed my welding helmet. He briefly threatened to throw it across the shop. There are a few tools of mine there, that I may just leave there.

Ultimately what I take with me is the knowledge of how some things are built, the files, the organization, the instructions, and the methods that kind of only make sense to me.


I knew my departure would be coming but I thought it would be civil, mutual. I never wanted to cause frustration or burn any bridges. I'm wondering if I will get paid for that last week. He already didn't want to pay me for taking 4 hours to do a 2 hour job.

Fortunately I have been looking elsewhere already. I have a friend in a county over who can use my help. I have another shop that can use me from time to time. I have a couple projects I can do at home.
But most importantly I have a job interview in Sacramento which I'm looking forward to. The biggest challenge will be moving, leaving my life here behind. We'll see how it goes.
My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me earlier this year, so that makes moving a bit easier. She and I still talk but at least now I don't have to worry about uprooting her too.

[MrBurgundy]

Damn dude.

Sounds like a terrible work environment. Also, seems like a blessing in disguise.

If your boss cant even keep his cool, yells, micro manages, ect ect, I guarantee you his business is on borrowed time.

I bet you whatever comes next is going to be infinetely better for you. Hating where you work, being treated without respect blah blah is soul sucking.

You have to be at the minimum content with your work environment. If you hate your job, you have to change that.

Still, I know this shit is tough but time will move on and so will you.

Hang in there big dawg.

FUck that guy.

I will say this tho. Always stand up for yourself. Don't let people talk to you in a way you're not okay with. It's a good skill to have. Trust me.

[roguetoaster]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear man. But it will get better.

Really be honest with yourself about why you couldn't do that job, or when you decided not to, and why you stayed. I know you wrote about it some before.

Sincerely, do the same thing with your relationship. 8 years is a long time without it progressing to another level. There are so many reasons why that might be, and I'm not trying to judge at all.

Seriously consider if you might not be in the right field. Try new stuff. I have personally had 4 seperate careers, and it took me 15 working years to find the right one. Leaving the stability of being an employee, to becoming a sole proprietor was legitimately the best choice for me. I love quality work, and I can work to that level while billing for it appropriately. Yes, I have to fill my schedule with some work I really don't want, but I can tailor that to suit based on my level of give a fuck that week.

When I found happiness with my work, happiness in my life followed very quickly as I simply started to change whatever I didn't like about myself once I got out of not liking what I did.

Also know, there will be very dark times. Times when you want to simply give up. Find that reason to keep living, for me it started with my nephew, and now it's the woman I fully intend to marry. Understand that those things that make you wake up in the morning are greater than yourself, and we all need something beyond our own selves to exist in a meaningful way. That something shouldn't be our work if at all possible.

Recognize your value as a worker, as a man, and as a human. You are worth it, and when you find that right fit, you will become indispensable.

[DEV0 E30]

Already some incredible advice given already - but I 100% agree with all of it. First, sorry this happened but you will be better off.

Like you said, this was bound to happen - and you weren't happy.

Take a moment to realize - and release that stress, trauma, and exhaustion.

That is 100% a terrible work environment - if you are constantly berated without being given the tools or advice to progress - it's time to move on.

Even the star employee of a business needs to have success, and it isn't 100% on them. The conditions and other variables matter.

I left my last job, because of many reasons - and I should have left sooner, but it's a big deal, and usually isn't easy.

I don't really know where my career path is going next, I've got some ideas and that is going to be a big priority soon.

We tie so much of our lives into our work, and if you aren't happy, what the fuck is the point?

I've already told myself, I'm going to try some things out, and if it isn't what I expected, I'll move on.

I'm fortunate that can be my short term outlook before I have to stick with something, but you should never feel STUCK going forward.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for YOU and YOURS. It is not easy to move on, but only positive things are ahead.

We learn what we can put up with, and learn what we absolutely can't deal with - and you need to respect yourself again, as already mentioned.

Open your mind and give the possibilities that present themselves a real listen, you never know where it could lead.

[2mAn]

Send homeboy a message that you intend to collect your final check and your tools and give him a day or two to be prepared. Put it in writing.

Fk that guy

[Chilezen]

Thank you gentlemen for the inspiring words.

One thing about the relationship and the workplace is that they generally mirrored each other--when I put more attention into one, the other suffered. I struggled so much to keep a balance. I was constantly disappointing someone, somewhere. There were many factors at play, but the primary dilemma always came down to money. I never "worked" because it was just a job to fulfill a basic need, I worked because I liked doing what I did. Which primarily meant the work that I did would sometimes not be in the best interest of the company (yes I am not a very good employee). I was hired on the premise that I would be doing what I liked to do. Things changed, but I struggled with change. I would never identify myself as the best employee, I would I consider myself the one who put out the best work. I wanted to be happy in life. I chose to do that at work. But work didn't really reward me for that. So I didn't get paid handsomely. Just enough to want to hang on, but never to thrive.

So as I struggled with income, I was constantly stressed, and didn't really focus on my girl. She struggled. And one of the things that she does when she's depressed is spend, spend spend. She couldn't afford to, and that drove me nuts, causing me to want to work more. I couldn't see a prosperous life with her because I felt like she would be the one to hold us back, financially.

She took on small jobs like donating plasma (the blood stuff), and doing Amazon Flex deliveries. I also started Amazon Flex deliveries. Once in a while, I would get a paid photography gig. I took on a few side projects, building car stuff. But everything just wasn't enough.
I have had 3 therapists. I have been suicidal. I have had many bouts of feeling numb, detached from life.

I have struggled with communication. I didn't care about people and got the impression people didn't care about me. It really showed. And it really affected my relationship and workplace efficiency. I don't tell people what I really want or need, and am silent about being discontent.

This has been my worst and my best year. I've also lost 2 cats that were very dear to me. I don't know any any one thing that caused the recent uplift in my mood. Honestly maybe it was when she broke up with me. I didn't even accept it; I was in denial for a while.
I wrote in a journal about all the things I didn't like about myself and her. I maxed out the character limit is my notes app, describing scenarios of the past that I didn't agree with. I wrote reasons why I would not want to get back together with her. But I still consider her my closest friend to this day, and I still support her. I am comfortable with the fact that she is not mine anymore, and that I am free.

I have no idea if any of this is normal, but so what. I don't know what normal means. I have tried to be normal and I just didn't figure it out. That bullsht advice to just "be yourself" really isn't all that bad of advice. Taking that advice has cost me the stability and familiarity I had, but I genuinely feel better today.

I had a fabricator friend tell me today, "People know you because of your work, they just don't know you."
When I went to Laguna Seca a couple weeks ago, somebody said "you're the guy from the video." Because I was; I had to make instructional videos on how to install the roll cages I designed for the cars. He was happy with it; with me.
One of my boss's, for one of the side jobs I have, also had positive words to say. I came to him to say I am considering a potential job, and I might move away, which might negatively affect you. He said he was really proud of me, saying I am the right person for that job, and that he admired my character for telling him before making any decision, because I didn't have to.
That's just me, though, I'm nice. I did the same with the fabricator friend that hired me for the day today. He thinks it's the best opportunity and would rather me be happy pursuing this, than to be helping him out there. He paid me generously despite not getting a lot of work done, citing the other guy he had cost him more in mistakes.

I think on a final note, I am too nice. I don't always stand up for myself because I sense that the other person feels satisfaction in feeling powerful or angry, and I let them fulfill their needs to express themselves. That's what my trauma has taught me. And it responds appropriately, by ignoring the hate and not remembering their words.

I can't stop thinking. I will overthink things. I will not share it with people. I will over-analyze things that are simple. That drove my ex crazy.

There is a whole lot of introspection I have done, mostly on my own, some with the therapist. He enjoys our sessions, says he looks forward to our meetings. I would prefer to not need therapy and not stress about life and earn a decent wage and just sit at my favorite cocktail bar and see some pretty girls and just make small talk with the bartenders. That's what has kept me going the past few months. If I move, I'm going to really miss that bar.

I'm sorry for rambling. I feel mildly bad about drawing attention to myself.
But also thank you for reading. This is me trying to connect with people. I never hear normal people talk like this. I think that's a shame.

[Chilezen]

I have an update on the work situation...

Yes, the few people I have told have had similar reactions. F- that guy, basically.

I try to not directly shame him or put him in a bad light. I try to reasonably share my experience, one that has not been particularly great. I do share blame in the instances that caused him stress.


Sunday night I was out with friends, drinking. Hey, I'm unemployed (relatively speaking, I have jobs lined up Tuesday). Monday morning I wake up at 11. I get a call from my boss, asking me to come in at 1, for a meeting. I say, okay, but at 3. He asks, are you still in bed? I say yes, like wtf else am I gonna say. He chuckles and says "well that makes this easier." Like okay.

So I go, get there a little late anyway.

The important notes of the meeting:

I signed a paper acknowledging what happened Friday. He apologized for acting out of line.
I signed a paper acknowledging the past "incidents" I performed in the workplace in the past 2 years. (it's 7 pages long, baby!)
I signed a paper, basically an NDA, saying I can't share any data, proprietary knowledge, and can't slander the business. I think it says I'm not supposed to even talk about being fired? Idk whatever
I didn't sign a paper that describes a severance agreement. I probably will, I just wanted someone else to look it over.

This last document says that I'll agree to work for 4 more weeks, completing ongoing projects, and tying up loose ends. 4 weeks probably isn't enough for all that because of my depth in the company but hey, we both agreed we gotta cut it off. He acknowledged that I built this company into what it is. I'll agree to working those 4 weeks and then receive 2 weeks severance pay.

Afterwards, he is interested in the idea (this was actually my idea I pitched to him a month ago) that I would be contracted to come in and install a roll cage, or maybe do something else that I'm good at. I said that's a possibility, I would like to keep the door open for future business.


I also said I will not be starting those 4 weeks right away. I will start next week, taking this week off to reset. If he wants to do 3 weeks instead of the 4, that's fine with me.
He said fine, there's nothing he can do about that. I'll start next week, for 4 weeks.
I still didn't sign the paper.

He doesn't know I am about to drive up north to Sacramento to perform to 2-day internship for a potential life-changing career move. That's why I wanted this week off.

I set terms. He agreed. He wants me back, conditionally. I don't know if I'll get the job up north. I have options open.

I have quite a few options open. I know I'm in the right field (not to disagree with an earlier suggestion, I have considered it, but this is where I want to be, right where I am).

This has been a very trying year for me. It took a lot of f-cking work to get here.

[MrBurgundy]

What I'm about to say is said simply, and takes time to fully feel this concept, truly.

You at the end of the day, at the end of all relationships-friends, romantic, family, pets, whatever- You only have yourself. You have to understand, which I'm not saying about you, but is said to fully get to this point.

There is no room for this woe is me, there is no room to defer life outcomes on external influences, there is no room in life to export responsibility of your own life and life outcomes.

I say this from experience. I used to be in the same place as you man, truly.

I had nothing, no relationship with my family, lost romantic relationships, broke as fuck. I say this with no exaggeration, I was about to be homeless at one point.

You have to understand that you and only you are going to change your life. No one is going to come and change it for you. When shit hits the fan, you only got you.

You have to roll with these blows and take action everyday to move forward.

It's like going to the gym. You're not going to wake up tomorrow jacked. But if you go everyday, the only outcome is success.

Show up for yourself every fucking day, in a meaningful way and the only outcome is the life you want. That's a promise brother.

There is no room in life to build relationships unless you build one with yourself first. When you love yourself and the life you built. Every relationship in your life change for the better.

I know this is easier said than done, but trust me.

You have to bridge the duality of the person in your psyche, who you wish to be and the person who is physically here. when those two come closer together, life your life will also come together.

[McGyver]

Damn dude, it sounds like it's been a really tough year. Things definitely can get better, but it's going to take some soul searching for you to figure out what is healthy for you.

I work in manufacturing and focus on continuous improvement to cut costs and improve production. Most of the problems I see stem from bad management - Implementing bad processes that don't get good results, unclear communication, unclear expectations, buying equipment to make things more productive (but not figuring out how to run the equipment), etc. It sounds like you dealt with a lot of this in the small business. I can understand your commitment to providing the best product to the customer, but I can also understand the owner's expectation to cut costs by only providing the level of service that the customer is paying for. Try to not tie your self-worth into the job, it was an aspect of your life, but not the defining characteristic. I agree with the others that you should have an honest reflection of what went well and what didn't go well, then try to figure out how what changes you want to make to grow from this experience - And it's ok to take some time before diving into it.

As for the job stuff, it sounds like the owner didn't have cause to fire you. Perhaps the laws allow him to terminate your employment, but then you also get some rights. Keep in mind that you don't work for him anymore and you can make any decisions you want. I assume he was worried about you suing for wrongful termination, so he got you to sign stuff. I probably wouldn't have signed anything without negotiating something in return. My previous job was eliminated and I got 2 weeks of severance for each year I worked at the company (14 weeks total). Two weeks of severance is basically nothing and I would push for more. I would also push for a lump-sum payment versus getting it over time, this may allow you to start getting unemployment right away. I would think really hard about going back to work for him for another 4 weeks. I wouldn't have signed anything without getting something substantial in return - severance would be in exchange for signing an NDA and agreeing to not sue. The knowledge you gained from working there could be valuable to a competitor, severance it payment for keeping the knowledge secret.

As far as continuing to work for him, be honest about whether this is a relationship you want to continue in a personal and/or professional manner. He put himself in a bad position and is now trying to get his projects done without keeping you on. Working for him will take away from time spent looking for the next job, but it also puts some money in the bank. One option might be for him to treat you as an independent contractor at a higher hourly rate, like 1.5x. Your old rate was based on the mutual assumption that you'd continue working for him. Now you know your time is limited and he knows projects can't get finished without you, so the situation has changed. Your time is worth more to both of you.

Definitely go get your property from his shop.

Definitely apply for unemployment if you haven't done it yet.

[2mAn]

Lots of good info in the above posts.

Would you look at that... r3v has matured a little.

waffles

[McGyver]

Would you look at that... r3v has matured a little.

NO ONE has demanded pics of his ex. I'm very proud of us.

[2mAn]

NO ONE has demanded pics of his ex. I'm very proud of us.

I've seen her... you should ask. I didn't out of respect.

Whats wrong with me...

[MrBurgundy]

NO ONE has demanded pics of his ex. I'm very proud of us.

as the kids would say today's age.

That would be diabolical

[econti]

I can tell that I've matured because clam pics no longer make up for a bad woman's bullshit

-edit
I will add that in my last patch of dating I encountered quite a few of the above. But I'm now with a good one so that is a thing of the past