Nonsense Thread

[MrBurgundy]

Only one bad date story!?

fuck that,


One time I went on a blind double date, because my friends date had a friend coming, so I volunteered.. Wish I fucking didn't-Jesus christ...

So, we meet up around 4pm to go hit up a brewery and on our way there, Sara, my blind date says that she doesn't drink beer... So on our way there (we're taking a boat) she busts out a bottle of Henny and starts hitting that bottle like it owed her something. By the time we get there that shit is half way gone...

At this point, she's being super socialable and fun to be around.. for now at least. But after the rest of us have a couple beers we decided to go back on the boat and cruise around for a while.

During that time, Sara managed to polish off the bottle and my friends date comes up with a brilliant idea to get another bottle...

We go back home and get another bottle to drink and then we get word of a "kegger" happening that night. We're all tipsy and decide that we're going to go check it out.

The uber shows up and on the way there, Sara fucking cracked open the bottle of Jamie and starts swigging it. By the time we get there, she's super fucked up, so fucked up, she decided that she now likes beer. She likes beer so much now that she asked the dude dishing out beers to do a keg stand, mind you its an IPA in there..

Next thing I know I see her legs up in the air and I go, "YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH GURL, GET IT!"

I forgot to paint the setting of this party, which adds to how fucked it gets.

We roll up to the party I hear this actual song blasting, if you guys ever played GTA V, you'll know this lol.

song

We walk in there and we're its a bunch of cholo ass dudes haha.

My friend and our dates are white as fuck.

Anyways, back to the keg stand part of the party...


10 mins after she does the keg stand, I see her leaning up against a wall, so I sit her down on the floor and she just goes completely limp... We find her a chair to get her ass off the floor, but she's so far gone, she cant even be in the chair. She just keeps sliding down on to the ground..

Everyone at the party is just staring at me trying to prop up an unconcious girl.

THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Sara just starts to scream at the top of her lungs as I prop her up in the chair, so now I look like some creep.

A big ass dude walk up to me and asks if there's a problem and I'm like, yeah bro, this bitch is a problem right now. Then I say something that I probably shouldn't have, "i don't even know her" as I'm holding her up and he shirt is hiking up because she keeps sliding down.

Also, I'm like where the fuck is everyone else? My friend who I came there with left with the dude who invited us to the party, so i'm stuck there with drunk ass sara, her friend and 100 vatos.

They end up kicking us out because sara literally won't stop screaming at nothing..

So, we dragged her out and threw her on the grass. We tried to get an Uber to take us back, but no one would take her because she was uncounsiouis..

It's like 3am at this point, saras friend did not give a fuck about the situation, so she goes back inside and starts partying with everyone and I'm like "YO we need to get this chick home, do you know anyone that can get her back?"

this bitch tells me they just met a week ago! WTF!

I'm like fuck this shit, I pull saras phone out of her purse, put her thumb on the shit to unlock it and I start texting all her recent contacts... No one answers....








At this point I just want to get the fuck out of there.. So i scroll down to M... For MoM

I called her ass at 4 am and I'm like, 'your daughter is lit AF and you need to come pick her ass up"

She's like half awake and says okay.

So now I'm on this driveway, with sara still occasionally screaming and some of the cholo dudes start to hangout with me on the driveway explaining to me how i'm "cool for sticking with her" so we all start to hang and smoke. eventually, there's like 7 of us smoking a blunt around sara as her mom rolls up lol

She has the most horrific look on her face haha

She like grabbed sara by the arm, didn't make eye contact with anyone, or say anything and just bounced on the fly.

[2mAn]

We roll up to the party I hear this actual song blasting, if you guys ever played GTA V, you'll know this lol.

song

What a wonderful song!... I nearly made it through the song.

I'll try to think of a horrible date story and share.

but for now... UNN DOSSS THRESSS QUATTROOO

[parkerbink]

song

The song was annoying but this video was on the page.

https://youtu.be/WI1g3fGPAM8

[E30335i]

That’s sebos old car if I remember right, and he crashed it and he’s cutting it out and putting it in another shell.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LowR3V'in]

What a joke. Humans would rather throw away an entire printer, than make ink easily accessible..

https://epson.com/ecotank-super-tank-printers

[Joe G]

Only one bad date story!?

So now I'm on this driveway, with sara still occasionally screaming and some of the cholo dudes start to hangout with me on the driveway explaining to me how i'm "cool for sticking with her" so we all start to hang and smoke. eventually, there's like 7 of us smoking a blunt around sara as her mom rolls up lol

And this is why I love the nonsense thread...and Burgundy ;)

[MR E30 325is]

Here is a repost from 119 pages ago.

I avoided posting in here, but fuck it. Between the USMC, living in a mansion during college, and all the booze in between, I have a few good ones bouncing around in my brain.

I had just moved to Flagstaff. Living with a couple other vets. Mark was my roommate, badass guy who was smooth with the ladies. This was our first semester, a month or so in.

Mark prompts me with the offer to be his wing man for the night. I am thoroughly enjoying the current situation, so I happily oblige. He describes his classmate who will be meeting us at a local country bar. She sounds fantastic. He doesn't know much about his classmates wingwomen, but I make the mistake of assuming she will be as equally attractive.

Fast forward to the night. We get to the bar first, order up some beers and start bullshitting.

Sitting there for a while, listening to music, checking out the scene, etc. You can picture it well.

Anyways, this smoking hot girl walks in. In tow behind her is a huge, and I mean FUCKING GINORMOUS, friend. I immediately tell myself that this better not be Mark's classmate, or I will have to bounce.

Well, lo and behold, it is his classmate, with her whale of a friend. Fucking cheers mate, you're in for a doozy.

They spot us, introductions all around, etc. Before she even opens her mouth I know I will be Mr. Cold Shoulder to this one. Super annoying voice, laughed too often, obnoxious in her actions, shit like that.

My roommate and his classmate are hitting it off big time. Great. Big lady keeps chatting me up, can't really remember the content of her conversations as I was not shying away from refills to my glass.

A while goes by and we decide to head back to our log cabin mansion out in the woods. Hop in a taxi and get to the house. I got the front seat thankfully.

Get back to the house, go up to the loft, fire up the Jager machine and start relaxing. Roommate and his classmate are enjoying each others company. Whale is trying to stay close to me, but I am being dodgey as fuck.

Eventually I cannot take it anymore. Hint to my roommate and I bounce to my room, the whale falls asleep on a bed we have up in the loft, and roommate and his lady friend head to his room. Egh, it's a loss for me on this one, but oh well. The roommate is getting laid, wingman job accomplished.

Wake up, grab some breakfast, sit on the couch. Girls are already gone. Roommate wakes up a short while later and relays that he did in fact smash and had a blast before falling asleep. Success!

But, he goes on to tell me that at some point in the night he is awoken by the sound of running water. No light in his room, so he grabs his AR with a hand activated Surefire mounted near the end of the barrel. Water is still flowing. He squeezes the grip and fucking blinds this hot girl, who is straight up pissing in his fucking dresser! Like pulled a drawer out and sat on the motherfucker, butt naked, and just pissed a nights worth of beer and jager onto my roommates clothes.

The light hits her, she jumps up and screams, he screams, she continues to piss, everywhere. It was like a faucet you just couldn't turn off.

She eventually calms down, and based on the time (was still pitch black outside he said) they just went back to sleep.

After he told me this, I went to his room. Fucking wreaked of piss and booze.

So yeah, he had a great night of sex, but it came at the cost of having his clothes soaked in boozey piss.

- Mike

[Stanley Rockafella]

Speaking of bigger girls, has anyone gotten a piggy-back ride from one? I may have told this story b4, but was just reminded of it recently.

Back university I worked at a restaurant with this bigger gal. We'd always shoot the shit, and I'd always say stupid shit like "I want someone to gimme a piggy-back ride!" Sure enough one day while we were in the kitchen she was like, "sure, climb on!" I was like WTF!?! your body can barely handle your own weight, let alone an additional 150ish pounds. I think she was around my height (5'7") but was a good 220-250lbs.

So I climbed on. She then proceeded to do laps around the restaurant kitchen. I tell ya, it was the most sublime transportation experience I've even had. Not only was it smooth, but ALL the shock and pressure on your joints that you'd normally feel when you walk, was completely gone! Not that I have/had any joint pain before, but it literally felt like I was riding on a cloud. I was at a loss for words after I got off. The large coating of her body fat, gently braced the weight of my body in a way that only babies have experienced. Saying it was "breathtaking" would be an understatement.

If anyone has the opportunity, I'd strongly suggest you give it a try :nice:

[Joe G]

^ all I could think of is this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86Fpd5HibiQ

[TheWipprSnappr]

^ all i could think of is this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86fpd5hibiq

lmfao

[ButtJuice]

More shitty date stories plz

[ThatOneEuroE30]

More shitty date stories plz

This

[wworm]

Speaking of bigger girls, has anyone gotten a piggy-back ride from one?
I think she was around my height (5'7") but was a good 220-250lbs.

So I climbed on. She then proceeded to do laps around the restaurant kitchen. I tell ya, it was the most sublime transportation experience I've even had. Not only was it smooth, but ALL the shock and pressure on your joints that you'd normally feel when you walk, was completely gone!
:nice:

shoulda nicknamed her e38

[ForcedFirebird]

https://epson.com/ecotank-super-tank-printers

Thanks for the heads up. Decided to see about refilling these.



Cannon cartridges can easily be refilled, they even have holes under the sticker. Just bought 15 refills worth of black for $7.54 shipped off Amazon, HA!

https://www.bchtechnologies.com/ink-refill-kit/for-canon.html?cartridge_model=869

[Joe G]

More shitty date stories plz

Shitty story eh?

On my 21st birthday I lived in Spokane, WA in a very nice suburb (neighborhood was upper middle class 'real people', surrounding a house full of college guys). Luckily, our neighbors, who were in their 50s, were very cool and had a okay looking daughter (24ish) who lived with them.

They heard us and saw us boozing in our backyard all morning to celebrate my b-day and invited us over to swim in their pool, play drinking games, etc.

It was great. Pool, free booze, a 24 year old daughter that got better looking as the day went on, and her parents who encouraged the mass consumption of their beer/booze.

Throughout the afternoon I got progressively more shitfaced, and realized I hadn't eaten a thing aside from cheap beer, mimosas and various hard liquor, all day - it was maybe 3pm.

After hours of pool time, the neighbor dad insisted on taking me to a local dive bar to buy me some drinks. Who was I to say no? So I ran home and changed out of my swim suit and threw on some white khakis, commando, of course.

We went to the bar and I drank Rumpleminz - lots of it. It would suffice to say that I was utterly plastered by this point, and of course the daughter was looking better and better. We were flirting and having fun, her dad was totally cool with it. I'm thinking "this is great, free booze all day and I'm gonna hook up with his daughter".

As we continue to drink at the bar, the dad insists that I join them for a birthday BBQ at their house, in my honor. I was drunk and staving - this day couldn't get better. Pool, booze, free bar tab and now a birthday BBQ, courtesy of neighbors that were more or less strangers 6 hours ago.

As we drive back to their house I could tell that a stomach full of alcohol was not sitting too well. I brushed it off, burgers were to be consumed shortly and that will fix everything....FALSE.

As we walk into the house via the garage I recognize that it was my last chance to let a massive fart out. So being the chivalrous man I am, I insist that everyone goes into the house before me (mom, dad, daughter). Once they're a few steps ahead of me I decide to let the fart rip, oh shit, literally. I knew immediately that the fart was not just some toxic air. It was wet, gooey and smelled like death - fuck. I stop dead in my tracks - this is not good. Remember, no underwear.

They see me stopped and ask what's up? I replied "nothing, may I use your bathroom?"

I go to the bathroom and drop my pants, to my horror I have a 3" x 5" smear of yellow/brown liquid shit on the ass of my pants. This stain is clearly visible from behind and since it's generally frowned upon to attend a BBQ with a massive shit stain on your white khakis, I walked out of the bathroom and proclaimed in a drunken slurred shout that "my roommates just texted me and have a dinner planned, thanks for the booze, pool and BBQ, but I gotta go."

I walked out of their house backwards so they wouldn't see the stain (but I'm sure they smelled it). Went home, took a shower, continued to drink and had a great laugh about it....then around 2am I rang the neighbors doorbell, daughter answered, took me up to her room and WE GOT IT ON.

Good times.


Bonus: I sent the pants to my ex and her best friend the next week. They didn't think it was as funny as I did.